Might be an @Srt4eric question but can you have a ball valve on the return to act as a restrictor? Then take the return line, hook that into some silicone tubing and fill a 5g bucket to measure actual flow rate like @richiev . Or syphon a known volume out of your tank during a water change and see how long it takes to refill and start the overflow.
Usually running larger pumps at lower flow rates is much quieter and is one thing to think about.
That’s how AC pumps work. They don’t dial down the voltage or the motor speed, they just restrict flow. But it puts more back flow resistance on the pump. Don’t know what this translates into pump wear, but it definitely isn’t going to make it last longer.