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I F’ed Up - killed my kids eel… advice/suggestions

wazzupmac

wazzupmac

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This morning my son tells me that he thinks his eel - Spike - is sleeping. I see a snail crawl on him and he doesn’t move and then I wave the forceps near him and no movement! He was devastated and I’m sure I didn’t handle it well in the moment.

My son’s crying, says he sad and I comfort him but I can’t help thinking I was the cause. Last night we get home late, I realize the water level in the sump is low and grab a bucket of water near my tank and top it off with 1.5G of water.

I’m now realizing that it wasn’t the bucket I normally use to top off the sump - if only I had set up the f’ing auto top off that is sitting right there for 2 months! The bucket likely had some waste and who knows what from recently adding fish to main display tank and doing some aquarium maintenance - algae removal, cleaning, etc.

It was a small amount relative to 50G+ of water but I’ve hear horror stories from folks doing what seemed like minor mistakes.

I know I have to explain to him further that he had nothing to do with and it was al Dad’s fault. I’m anal with my tank but have been nonchalant with his - lesson learned the hard way. I feel like shit. In 4 years I hadn’t killed any of my stuff through negligence (except during a move) and I know I wouldn’t have just added any water to my tank - I would have stayed up and made fresh RODI.

Do I replace the eel and start fresh and be a better parent to my son’s tank? We move on? Any thoughts and guidance from anyone that’s been in my shoes.
 
Ask your son what he would like to do. He may have a different route he wants to go or maybe another eel would be it. Give him a few choices to choose from and allow him to make his own choice.

We all make mistakes. It’s hard being a parent. It’s hard keeping saltwater aquariums. It’s hard to try to multi task with both.

I’ve done the same simple thing of not fixing or installing something I’ve had sitting next to tank for months. Then It usually takes an emergency for me to finally get it going after it happened.

Don’t beat yourself up and push through it.
 
Kensington Reefer said:
How old is “young master”?
Is he old enough to perform the daily duties? (Feed, wipe windows, clean skimmer, top off the ato)
If it “his” eel, he has to maintain it
If he’s too young, then it’s your eel, and do YOU want it?
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He’s 9 going in 10. We were going to fully start having him do the tank maintenance next weekend (when I have them next). We had a long talk 1 day ago about the responsibility of keeping a tank - it doesnt just take care of itself - and then 1 day later this. As if I planned it!
 
Sorry about the eel, that sucks. I am also a parent. My oldest is only 5 but...I would not allow her to make her own decision about taking on the responsibility of a pet.

Can a 9 year old effectively care for an eel in a saltwater tank? Many/most adults struggle with the basic care a saltwater tank demands - especially over a longer time horizon.

Edit - not saying you shouldn't get one if he wants one, necessarily. Just that you might expect to be caring for it full time at some point, or at the very least closely monitor.
 
derek_SR said:
Sorry about the eel, that sucks. I am also a parent. My oldest is only 5 but...I would not allow her to make her own decision about taking on the responsibility of a pet.

Can a 9 year old effectively care for an eel in a saltwater tank? Many/most adults struggle with the basic care a saltwater tank demands - especially over a longer time horizon.

Edit - not saying you shouldn't get one if he wants one, necessarily. Just that you might expect to be caring for it full time at some point, or at the very least closely monitor.
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That where we’ve been - he feeds the eel on nights when he’s here. I have to thaw and cut up the shrimp, etc.

Was gonna have him do more around cleaning the glass, help with changing filter socks, taking skim mate to sink, etc.

Sadly, the eel was easier to care for than the big tank. He ate when he wanted to and light cycle didn’t matter. But I sucked around water care which would have taken an extra 10 minutes a week when I was doing to big tank maintenance.
 
Sorry to hear that, my experience with an eel was kept it a year and a half perfectly until one day he dove out the tank over night. Man honestly crap happens. Unless it was a bucket of bleach you were keeping next to the tank that you poured in, I wouldn't blame myself. Eels aren't that senstive they are very hardy and are often the last one in the tank to die often times. It could have been anything. And could have died before you even touched the sump.

Upto you on another eel. I would only suggest do your basic water tests before adding something else. Or take him to a lfs and find something suitable for his tank that catches his eye.
 
Sorry to hear, Marvin. Did you ever test for ammonia? Eels and very messy and big eaters so lots of waste decays in the system if there aren't any other fishes to eat the scraps. Could be worth hanging on of those Seachem ammonia indicator tags just to have an advance indicator.
 
wazzupmac said:
This morning my son tells me that he thinks his eel - Spike - is sleeping. I see a snail crawl on him and he doesn’t move and then I wave the forceps near him and no movement! He was devastated and I’m sure I didn’t handle it well in the moment.

My son’s crying, says he sad and I comfort him but I can’t help thinking I was the cause. Last night we get home late, I realize the water level in the sump is low and grab a bucket of water near my tank and top it off with 1.5G of water.

I’m now realizing that it wasn’t the bucket I normally use to top off the sump - if only I had set up the f’ing auto top off that is sitting right there for 2 months! The bucket likely had some waste and who knows what from recently adding fish to main display tank and doing some aquarium maintenance - algae removal, cleaning, etc.

It was a small amount relative to 50G+ of water but I’ve hear horror stories from folks doing what seemed like minor mistakes.

I know I have to explain to him further that he had nothing to do with and it was al Dad’s fault. I’m anal with my tank but have been nonchalant with his - lesson learned the hard way. I feel like shit. In 4 years I hadn’t killed any of my stuff through negligence (except during a move) and I know I wouldn’t have just added any water to my tank - I would have stayed up and made fresh RODI.

Do I replace the eel and start fresh and be a better parent to my son’s tank? We move on? Any thoughts and guidance from anyone that’s been in my shoes.
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First off: good parenting here; I mean that, sincerely.

Second, after your plan of admitting responsibility and apologizing, I would suggest using this as a teaching moment. That these creatures' lives are in our hands, and it's important to respect that. That complacency can (literally) be a killer; though obviously in more age-appropriate terms, and that keeping pets (especially saltwater tanks) is very hard. Potentially add on to the fact that, sometimes, no matter how well we care for them, we still have to say goodbye.

Then ask him what he'd like to do. Let him grieve, be there while he does, and tell him that—when he's ready—you'll work together to do what he wants with his tank, whether that's getting another eel or trying something different.
 
CaseyP said:
Sorry to hear, Marvin. Did you ever test for ammonia? Eels and very messy and big eaters so lots of waste decays in the system if there aren't any other fishes to eat the scraps. Could be worth hanging on of those Seachem ammonia indicator tags just to have an advance indicator.
Click to expand...
I did have one of the seachem things in it for 2 months and recently took it off because all was good. We only fed via the tongs and made sure to not drop food in the tank - a few times we had to carefully maneuver to grab a piece of shrimp that we released before he had grasped it.

I’ll find an ammonia test kit and check that out. I checked salinity (1.024), ph (8.2), alk (7.9), and temp (78) and all were fine - no numbers outside of the established range.

The three Chromis that have somehow not been eaten in 3 months are plodding along with the urchin, conch (2), and snails.
 
Some of my fondest memories was mixing instant ocean for water changes with my dad in 1989..right when I was around your sons age...

You're building core memories and being a great father...nothing to fault on that..yes, shit happens, and even my damsels (Alf and Heathcliff) died eventually...but my memories of the past was spending that time with my dad..

Hats of to you...IMO, you're being hard on yourself and are doing what I would think alot of is would have done with our kids...thats coming from a father of 5..
 
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Oh that sucks. I do know Robert has a snowflake eel at Neptune Aquatics that he has had for about a year, so very well acclimated. Although I have heard stories that he has bitten most of the staff who were not paying attention … He keeps trying to get me to take it but boy one eel is enough.
 
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