Strange, which LFS was it? The only time you don't want to disturb the sandbed is if it is a deep sandbed (5-6"+). Normal sandbeds are only an inch or two deep, just enough to be visually appealing to the owner. The size of the grain and color is also simply a matter of personal preference. I personally like the look of fine sand but I have too much flow in my tank. The finer it is the more chance it will be blown around. Vacuuming it allows you to suck up the detritus that settles and works its way down into the sand. If you don't vacuum it then you'll need a clean up crew to take care of it.